Happy Mother’s Day

April 19, 2018
Filed Under: Foster Family
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Last Updated:30th July 2020

When you foster a child, there are some situations, occasions, which go straight to your heart and wring it out, mercilessly. Mother’s Day is one of these, even though I’m only part of the extended foster family.

I’m sitting with my son Mark and his partner Katy, enjoying an early Sunday morning coffee and some of Kate’s lovely shortbread biscuits. I can hear Jade moving about in her bedroom. Soon she’ll be down, sitting at the big pine table in the kitchen, helping herself to cereal and asking for scrambled eggs on toast, her favourite.

Eventually, Jade appears, unusually quiet, solemn even. I see her pass a crust to Bramble, the family pet terrier, but say nothing, not wanting to betray her. When she’s finished her breakfast, she goes back upstairs.

Before long, Kate leaves the room and sees a large envelope on the hall table. It is addressed to her in Jade’s wobbly, six-year-old hand. Kate picks it up and opens it. A bunch of spring flowers, carefully coloured in, nod forward from the card. It’s beautiful in its frank, childish simplicity. But it’s the message that really gets to Kate. She can just about make out the word ‘Mummy’, rubbed out and replaced with ‘Kate’. There’s a tiny hole in the card where Jade has used the rubber with a little too much force.

Time for a Hug

Kate goes straight to Jade. It’s time for a big hug! They both move to the window and stare out at the bare trees still glistening with the night’s frost. Jade reaches out for Kate’s hand, and they stand for a few moments, wrapped securely in something they can’t quite voice.

We’re all together now, and Kate has put the card on the windowsill. To the casual observer, this is a perfect Mother’s Day scene. Except that we all know, though don’t say, how significant that rubbed out word is. These poignant moments often arise in the world of foster care.

Remember

Perhaps all of us involved in the care of children should remember that card and recognise its message. We’re not here to replace a parent. Many situations can lead to a simple, handmade card conveying a poignancy, a vulnerability, a loss too big to be voiced in any other way.

We can’t adequately replace what our foster children have lost or fully heal the hurt they may have suffered. But we can value the card as we value them, accept it with its rubbed out word, and do our best.

If you are part of a foster family or involved in some way with fostering children what are your observations of how children in foster care cope with Mother’s Day or other special occasions?

Foster Nan

As a Foster Nan of eleven years, I've enjoyed seeing my child provide a loving home for more than a dozen fostered children. All children deserve to feel loved, cared for and valued, so in a foster family, we've made it a priority to do just that.

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Happy Mother’s Day